What Compels Us to Forgive the Acts that Upset Us the Most..?

Just a random thought, why are some people more forgiving than others? You'd probably say that one who is forgiving has not really been hurt or is more compassionate and you'd probably account someone unforgiving with someone who is cold or insecure about being hurt. I find that neither are true. I'm not an insecure person, I'm not extremely afraid of being hurt, but yet I constantly forgive those who have hurt me the most.

For example, when I've done those lame myspace surveys and it asks, "Where is the person who hurt you the most?" I can only think of one person to associate with my past pain. But I forgave him, I have no ill feeling towards him at all because he's changed for the better, or at least he's learned to control his not so attractive qualities that once pushed me away from him to the point of cutting him off completely.

Now, when I think about it, it's not just him, there's other individuals, male or female, who have hurt me in the past and for the sake of the "benefit of the doubt," I've usually forgiven. I'm starting to think that I live a vicious cycle of relationships with people.

Every boy I've ever dated, ends up coming back into question. Meaning, sometimes I think of the possibility of getting back with someone just because I had already liked them previously. It's weird. And every female who's ever had shit with me, I've become mutually okay with because it's tiresome to have drama.

But the thing that gets me the most is, people always ask me why I'm still single or why I can't get a boyfriend, if it seems like I'm always talking to someone. Well the thing is, is that I'm talking to someone I've already talked to before or forgiven someone who's hurt and pissed me off. Why do I live this vicious cycle? And why do I pick guys who I know aren't worthy of my time, but I give it anyways.

In my mind, I have the idea of the kind of guy I'd like to be with for the rest of my life and so far no one has really come close and if they have come close, they find a way to fuck things up or maybe I'm just not in the mood for them. I don't really understand why I am the way that I am and why I give in eventually, when I should never have to.

My LA boy for example, has the bitterest outlook on life and already has a kid. He's not even the nicest guy in the world and I feel like he's always upset about something or extremely faded. Now what kind of qualities are those for a "good boyfriend." I don't even know why I bother having feelings for him, but I do. One time he said that he thinks I'm just physically attracted to him, maybe he's right.

There's another guy who's a little bit younger than me, but then when it's just me & him alone, I kinda feel for him. But when it's him in public, I tend to treat him like shit and mislead him.

I really don't understand what I'm doing. What compels us to forgive the acts that upset us the most? Why do I forgive people who hurt me, or why do I forgive some small characteristic that doesn't fit into my scheme of life? Why, do I, choose to settle for less when I can have so much more?

Interesting.